(This post has existed as a couple sentence idea since 2013 and I am just now getting around to fleshing it out.)
In particular I have been thinking about Finding My Voice.
Finding my voice in my singing.
Finding my voice in my writing.
What is my voice?
What is it that I have to contribute to the world? (Is there anything?)
What is my message? What is the thesis?
Should I talk about God? Or Parenting?
Should I write about women's rights?
Should I sing about grace and forgiveness?
Should I sing about love?
What sound am I looking for?
Head voice? Chest Voice?
Opera voice? Country Voice?
Snarky Voice? Serious Voice?
At some point I began to realize that my voice is really not the point. Actually, maybe I can't seem to find my voice because that's not the one I should be looking for.
The voice I should be looking for is the Still Small Voice.
This caused me to go looking for the origins of the still small voice and I found out it is only actually in the bible once. In 1 Kings 19:12
And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a
still small voice.
Turns out in general in the bible God's voice is not so still and not so small
The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is full of majesty.Psalm 29:4
I was in the Spirit on the Lord's day, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet,Revelation 1:10
The LORD thundered from heaven, and the most High uttered his voice.2 Samuel 22:14
Wait a minute. If the voice of the lord is powerful and thundering, why is it so hard to hear?
Or maybe it's just me?
But I've talked to enough people that I feel confident that the voice of God is hard to hear for most of us. It's not just me. I think those who say otherwise might be delusional or lying.
I think this is where the still small part comes into our understanding of God's voice. No matter how it thunders, we can't hear it if we don't stop to listen. Sometimes we can't hear it because we just don't like what it is saying.
I didn't write on this blog for over two years because what I was feeling compelled to write isn't ready for public consumption. It may never be. But it needed to be written. Now I'm done with that content for now and I find myself back here. Although I still worry and wonder about my voice, and my message. Once again it seems like the stuff to write just comes if I let it. If I don't seek too hard and question too much. If I just let what feels right come out.
For me, I think I've figured out that the voice is a near constant nagging sensation. Often to do something I don't want to do.
You should write that post on voice.
There's a time limit on the action. I can choose to ignore it.
You should sing "Trust in You"
If I ignore it long enough. The feeling that I need to do something will go away.
But then I have failed to listen to the call. I have failed to listen to the still small voice.
I don't know if what I am writing is for me or for you.
I don't know if what I am singing is for me or for you.
But I do know that right now I am supposed to be writing this post on voice and in a few short weeks I am supposed to be singing "Trust in you". And I will know the next thing that I need to write or sing, as long as I am listening for his voice. Even when it seems scary and hard, I will try to listen and obey.
And I trust that whether it is for me or you or all of us, he will use my voice to work for his kingdom.
We are the body.
We are the hands and feet.