Saturday, April 13, 2013

I am not Responsible

People are regularly telling me how great my kids are.

And I do love hearing this because who doesn't want great kids.

That my kids might not be great is one of my greatest fears.

I fear it, of course, because if they don't turn out great, it will obviously be my fault. I will have failed them some how. It will be because I yelled one too many times, or gave too many Christmas presents, or worked too hard and played too little or... One of any number of mistakes I know I have made. I make plenty every day.

So, based on this logic of fear, clearly, if they are great, it means that

I did something right.

And all these people aren't wrong. I do have great kids. They are smart, funny, kind, helpful, loving, compassionate, insightful, joyful, utterly amazing kids.

But guess what? As good as it makes me feel to hear this. As much as I want to believe it is proof of my skill, proof of my success.

I am not responsible for their greatness. 

I did not make them great kids.

I could be the best mom possible ( I'm not), never make a single mistake ( yeah right), never yell (well, maybe just that one time), always say the perfect thing (ummmmm)... And in the end it doesn't mean it will work out and make them great. In the end, what my kids will turn out to be is between them and God, and I am really just a very minor player.One of many players God is using in the shaping of these amazing kids.

This is really very freeing if you stop and think carefully about it.

Lets go back to that fear: that I will fail them somehow, and ruin them... But wait I am not responsible.

I am not responsible. 

Someone much greater than me is responsible. Someone more powerful, more intelligent, more patient, more loving, more everything than I could ever be.Someone who does not ever make mistakes.

God is the one responsible for all of us.

God will use my mistakes, and those of others, to strengthen my kids and help them grow. He will use my successes too. He will use whatever I give him. And he is amazing. Look at what he did with me, and you.

This is not to say that I have no skin in this game or that I don't have to try and do my best. Parenting is a huge undertaking. The biggest I will ever undertake. It is hard and it is scary. I'm all in. I will be the hands and feet. Just because God is ultimately the one in control doesn't mean that the rest of us do nothing. We are the body. I pray daily for him to use me for their good.

When I have the perfect words, I know it was from his help. When I have extra patience, I know it is through his grace. When I fail, I pick up apologize and move on knowing God will even use my screw ups. Next time, hopefully, I will do better.I am only human after all.

I am not responsible, God is. 

So I can Worry less and Pray more. Fear less, and have Faith more.They will be amazing, as long as they have God.

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